Genjitsu, or Seeing the Truth
by DaystarsMom
Summary: Conrad and Yozak have been friends for a long time, but do they each see things the same way? ConradxYozak, reference to YuurixWolfram.


**Title:** Genjitsu, or Seeing Truth

**Author:** DaystarsMom  
**Rating:** PG  
**Pairings: **Conrad x Yozak, reference to Yuuri x Wolfram  
**Summary: **The friendship between Conrad and Yozak goes back a long way, but do they really see it the same way?

**Disclaimer:** Good grief, it's _fanfiction_. Of course it's Not Mine.

**Author's Note: **My beloved beta, SayokoBizen, suggested "genjitsu" as the title for this story, because according to her it "roughly tranlates to "reality" in two senses -- the truth that comes with acceptance and the truth that is already there." Which is absolutely perfect for this fic, but I felt a little uncomfortable giving the story a straight Japanese title when I myself don't speak Japanese. So I split the difference, and titled it both ways.

**Genjitsu**

**or**

**Seeing ****the Truth**

By DaystarsMom

The stars above Covenant Castle go on forever into the endless faraway sky. Yozak can't help sneaking looks at them, though he is on the roof to watch the walls and courtyard for untoward activity. But it is late and the festivities are all but over, and for once there have been no ninjas, bandits, assassins, criminals, monsters, or renegades to disrupt the merrymaking. The Demon King and his fiancé retired to their room half an hour ago, and even the couples who slipped outside in search of discreetly shadowed corners have departed. It won't hurt anything now if Yozak takes a few minutes to relax and … well, _daydream_ obviously isn't the right word, and _think_ is too serious. Something between the two, anyway.

The roof tiles vibrate, and Yozak comes briefly alert. But it is only Conrart, come to let him off-duty. Yozak leans back on his elbows, watching Conrart approach. In the darkness, it is safe to spend a moment admiring the long, lean body in the dress uniform and the unconscious grace of his movements. Only for a moment; by the time Conrart is close enough to make out more than a blur, Yozak has schooled his expression to its usual friendly good cheer. "Good evening, Captain," he says.

"More like good night," Conrart responds, and swings himself down to sit beside Yozak on the cool, slanting tiles.

Yozak looks at him in surprise. It's not often that Conrart has time, these days, to sit companionably with an old friend. So Yozak waits in silence for the new mission he is sure is coming, wondering what is so secret that it must be delivered here and now, like this. He'd thought things were going well since the kiddo's return.

But instead of delivering an assignment, Conrart gives a little sigh and lets his shoulders down half an inch. It is as close as he ever gets to slouching.

"Bad day?" Yozak asks when the silence has stretched far enough.

o--o

Growing up as the halfbreed son of the Demon Queen and a human swordsman taught Conrart early to guard his expression. Nobles, ambassadors, and courtiers of all kinds watched him constantly for signals they could use against him, against his mother, against his older brother. If they'd only wanted something to use against his Uncle Stoffel, he'd have been glad to oblige. By the time he was old enough to venture out on expeditions with his father, keeping his face neutral had become an ingrained habit.

Meeting Yozak Gurrier changed that. The peasant boy understood, as no one else could, what it was to be neither one thing nor the other, yet he had kept his infectious smile, his wicked sense of humor, and his penchant for mischief. He taught Conrart how to hide in the rafters, how to climb silently across rooftops, how to find the shops with the best pastries (and, later, the taverns with the best beer).

He taught Conrart to smile again, at least in private, and once or twice, even to laugh.

o--o

While the cruise ship makes its slow way toward Vandarvia Island, Yozak swishes his skirts and flirts with the humans on and off the dance floor. To a casual observer, he has the attention span of a brain-damaged butterfly.

Appearances are deceiving.

He is here as Conrart's backup, so he splits his attention between the young Demon King and Conrart. He should be watching the kid, but he tells himself that he needs to watch Conrart as well, in case his friend signals him. He knows this is a lie. It doesn't matter. The only one who might report his questionable behavior is Conrart, and Conrart won't notice. His attention is fixed on Yuuri.

Yozak can't see what's so fascinating about the kid. Sure, Yuuri is the new Demon King, but Yozak doesn't think that it's the kid's position that has put that small, relaxed smile on Conrart's face. Yozak hasn't seen that smile for years; he'd all but given up hoping for its return. So why does the sight make his chest ache as he turns quickly away?

o--o

"No worse than usual," Conrart replies. His posture gives the lie to his words.

"Let me guess – Gunter reacted badly to the announcement."

Conrart straightens, staring into the dark. "How did you know?"

"About Gunter? Lucky guess."

Conrart snorts. It's been obvious to everyone, right from the beginning, that Gunter wouldn't take the official proclamation of Yuuri and Wolfram's wedding date at all well. "About the announcement."

"Knowing things is my job, Captain." Yozak leans back, hands behind his head, the picture of casual confidence – as long as Conrart doesn't look too closely, and with nothing but starlight to see by, looking closely is not an option.

There is another moment of silence, then Conrart asks quietly, "Why do you always call me Captain?"

o--o

They were nearly grown men by the time Conrart realized that Yozak's grin hid at least as much as Conrart's own scowls – and hid it more effectively. From then on, Conrart watched Yozak more closely.

Much of what he saw was unsurprising – those who carried human blood faced problems that differed only in degree, not in kind. What startled Conrart was the depth of the determination and loyalty behind the mask, below the hurts. It startled him even more to realize how much of that loyalty and determination was directed at _him_. Then he began to look at others, and realized that he, Conrart, was a focus of hope and loyalty for all the half-mazoku of Shin Makoku.

It made sense – as the son of the Demon Queen, he had a position higher than any halfbreed had ever held. It was a responsibility he had never asked for, but if there was one thing Conrart understood, it was being born to responsibility. He shouldered this one uncomplaining, and every time Yozak's smile dimmed, Conrart threw himself into the battle once more. He didn't notice how quickly Yozak learned to keep up his cheerful facade even when they were in private, though he did notice – and was grateful for – the support his childhood friend and companion gave him on his chosen road.

The road that led, inevitably, to Lutenberg.

o--o

Losing Conrart is a blow Yozak has been braced for since before Lutenberg, and it staggers him only a little. Finding Conrart in the arena, wearing the uniform of Shin Makoku's worst enemy, is shattering beyond anything he has ever prepared for.

He holds himself together, barely, waiting for an explanation, a word, a sign that never comes. By the time the Demon King and his party reach Cavalcade, Yozak's faith has been worn thin by anger, by hurt, by frustration, and so he joins Gunter in challenging Conrart. It is bitter satisfaction to see his erstwhile captain flee from them. It is not until later that he recalls the bleak expression on Conrart's face. And it is later still, after much thought, and only when Yuuri proclaims his own belief in Conrart once again, that Yozak recognizes his failure. Conrart would never betray Shin Makoku; more than that, he would never betray Yuuri. Yozak should have known.

Allowing himself to be pushed over a cliff is all Yozak can do to make up for his lapse. It doesn't feel like enough of a penance. The worst of it is knowing that, penance or not, Conrart will never forgive him – because Conrart sees nothing in his actions that needs forgiveness. He never expected Yozak to believe in him.

It is no comfort at all to learn that Conrart didn't expect Yuuri to believe in him, either. _Yuuri_ never faltered.

o--o

Yozak sits up, startled by the sudden turn in the conversation. "Because that's what you are," he answers easily. If Conrart still hasn't noticed that calling him "Captain" is also a way of reminding them both of the difference in their stations, Yozak isn't about to point it out.

Conrart sighs. "I think I'm beginning to understand how he feels when I do it," he mutters, and Yozak doesn't have to ask who _he_ is.

Yozak grins, his teeth flashing whitely in the starlight. "Don't bother telling me not to," he warns with a cheerfulness he does not feel.

"I ... won't."

Something in Conrart's tone makes Yozak glance at him sharply, but darkness works in both directions, and in the starlight he can only be sure of a sudden thoughtful air. The conversation has moved unexpectedly into deep waters, and Yozak is, for once, unsure how to drag it out of danger.

On the far side of the courtyard, a window goes dark. Conrart sinks back, his face deeper in shadow. "I think they'll be happy," he says. "And I'm happy for them both."

o--o

The Battle of Lutenberg taught Conrart more lessons in a few hours than he'd learned in all the years of his life. It taught him that the lives of his friends were fragile things; that heroic deeds are not enough to win a change in hardened hearts; that the battle for trust would never be won; that he was no fit leader of men; that he had no reason to smile, ever.

Most of those lessons were wrong.

It took him a while to realize that, though, and by the time he noticed, he'd already talked Gwendal into offering Yozak a promotion into espionage, well away from the fighting brigades. As occupations went, "spy" wasn't much safer than "soldier," but at least Conrart would never have to face the discovery that it was _his_ command, _his_ ineptitude, that sent his dearest friend to his death.

He never explained any of this to Yozak, of course. The redhead would only have laughed and said he didn't need protecting, and turned down the opportunity. And Yozak proved surprisingly good at his new job, and if his erratic schedule put a greater distance between him and Conrart, well, as far as Conrart was concerned, it was a small price to pay for knowing him relatively safe and happy.

o--o

Halfway up the mountain, Yozak realizes that Conrart has been affected by the miasma and cannot be trusted. It hurts as much as seeing Conrart in the uniform of Big Cimmaron had. Grabbing him as the avalanche washes them over the edge is dangerous and foolhardy, but Yozak does it anyway, because he cannot bear not to. It is a shock when they arrive back at Covenant Castle and he is informed that he, too, is under the influence of the miasma. Only Yuuri has escaped.

After the remedy takes hold, Yozak lies awake most of the night, thinking. His thoughts do not please him, especially when they reach their unavoidable conclusion. Once again, it is Yuuri, and Yuuri alone, whose faith and trust held true. That kind of trust is what Conrart deserves, what he needs even more than he needs the kind of romantic love that's plainly blossoming between the kiddo and Wolfram. And if Yozak can't provide it – and twice now, he's shown that he can't – he should stick firmly to the role of old friend and nothing more. It's a small enough price to pay for something that matters so very much, he thinks.

Next day, when Conrart tries to thank him, Yozak brushes it off with a joke and a smile, and walks away. He is very, very convincing. He has to be; Conrart is the only one who has ever been able to see through Yozak's layered masks. Though, Yozak thinks with a small pang, it has been years since he has tried.

o--o

"Are you?" The words slip out before Yozak can stop them. Never mind; an old friend might ask as much.

"It's not like that."

Silence.

"It never has been."

"If you say so, Captain." It is an effort to keep his tone casual, but he thinks he has been successful.

Conrart clears his throat. "I'm not Yuuri, and you're not me," he says, and Yozak realizes he has not been successful at all.

"No?"

"No." He pauses again. "For all you've always been there. It's not ... like that." The words are the same, but the meaning is different.

"I can't do what the kiddo does."

"I don't – That's not what – You don't have to – " Conrart stops. Sighs. "I'm no good at this."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Conrart's answer comes fast and strong and sure, and has at least as many layers as Yozak's question.

"Well, then," Yozak says, and leans forward until even in the starlit dark Conrart can see the quiet smile on his face, so different from his usual grin.

The smile Conrart gives in return is bright enough to light the courtyard.

--Fin


End file.
